My First Post

Hello! It's been a long time since I blog. I've forgot my old blog account, that's why i'm creating this new one. I love this blog design. It's simple and cute. The reason why i'm blogging is because i've stop school for a period of time untill next year of Jan/March (i think) due to my health condition. Therefore, I hope by blogging, time can past faster and write down all my thoughts like a diary here. Are you curious about my health condition? Okay, let me start my grandmother story. Haha!

During my September holidays, i've found out that my throat was swollen and that cause me having difficulty breathing. At that time I was also having cough for about 3 weeks already and also frequently having fever (on-off). At first, I thought the swollen was caused by my coughing so I didn't care much. Until that Wednesday night, I vomited and there was blood in it. This gave my mother a shocked. She quickly sent me to the nearest hospital (AH-Alexandra Hospital) . When I reached there, a doctor consulted me. After consulting, they sent me in to the observation room where I take my blood test, X-ray,nebulizer and fever medication. After all this, they leave me there for an hour and observe. After my result was released and my fever has gone down, they allowed me to go home and told me that my X-ray result had shown that there is something weird, so they ask me to make an appointment at NUH (National University Hospital).

On Friday was my appointment at NUH. The doctor asked me about my condition and view the X-ray that I took few days ago at AH. She also show us that there is something like a lump between my lungs that connected up to where my throat is. She asked my mother whether is it okay for me to be hospitalize on that day so I can do more further checkup. I asked the doctor: "From what you know, is there any explanation for this?" She answered: "It can maybe be just an infection or it can be a mass that can be remove or it is a cancer. Who knows? That is why you need to be hospitalize and do further checkup. I hope all those checkup can do as fast as possible before it become worse." As I hear what she say, I can't deny that I was shocked so I peeked at my mother to see what's her reaction. Her eyes was turning red and watery. When I saw her going to cry, I admit that my tears was coming down too but I told myself to hold my tears because my mother will be more upset. I know that my mother was more hurt than me.

After settling down, I've took my first checkup. Is a machine that you need to lie down and go in and they will scan one part of your body just like an X-ray. They also insert some liquid so that they can see it more clearly. After that I have my dinner in my ward. I can tell you that the food there taste nasty. I hate the food there! >< Okay my story is getting too long. If I continue to write the whole story, you might actually fall asleep. Haha! Lets make this shorter. I've done a lot of scan. (e.g. CT scan,etc) After all scan, the doctor say there is a need to do a small surgery at my neck where the mass is, for some 'what'. Forget what's that called, anyway it's not important. I was very scare of the surgery, so few hours before my surgery I tried to make myself busy by watching drama and when the time was almost there, I went down. When I reached there, I need to wait for about an hour more as they applied the numb medicine (will make me sleepy) and need wait for it to onset (is it the right word to use?) then a very nice doctor lent me his Ipad to watch drama so I won't think too much.

The time has come, they pushed me (was lying on a small bed) into the operation room. I tried to sleep so I won't be so afriad but with the help of the numbing medicine because they say the mass was pushing my breathing tube so it will be very dangerous for them to put me completely asleep. During the surgery, I really fall asleep. Although I felt a little pain when they keep injecting but was too tired to care due to the numbing medicine. It feels weird when they open your skin, pull your skin, when they sew and etc but at least I went through my so called 'first stage'? After that surgery, I can't really move my neck for about a week. Not too long, my so called 'second stage' came. It was a terrible one because it was so painful that I scream and cried. In chinese is called 戳古水, I don't know what is it called in English, I'm sorry, will try to find out.

All the results has come out, the doctor and my family have a meeting about my condition, I was there too. It was confirmed that I have Hodgkin lymphoma. Hmmm... It is a cancer of lymph node. Among all the cancer, this has the highest percentage of healing. So, I'm still counted as lucky? Visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodgkin's_lymphoma for more information of it. Mine was stage 4 but doctor said that it has 90% that it can be cured. Furthermore, I'm a kid, therefore, it will heal faster. I stayed in the hospital for around 11 days. I admit at the start, I'm not used to it. Starting of first few days, I cried at night when my mother haven come to visit me because I still don't believe I will have cancer at such a young age and that I'm scare that something bad will happened because of the cancer. I even blame God for that. However, when time past, I get more use to it and I undersand better that I shouldn't think why I have this but to think positively and fight till the end. Who knows what the future hold? You can't stop what is going to happen but you can do something to it to create a better tomorrow, right?

I think my 'third stage' is chemo. I've done twice chemo. This coming Monday will be my third one. After my chemo, 2-3 days feeling nausea and no appetite but I think it will get better and better somehow. Doctor say I will need to do 6-8 times of chemo. This is why i'm stopping school for now and will resume in next year Jan/March. Don't worry, next month I will be going to 'Pal' school. It is a special school at Novena for cancer children. Now I don't really feel sad or pity myself anymore. I told myself to get up on my own and fight till the end. If you didn't give up, you actually has already win the war. Don't give yourself a chance to think that you cannot make it, more than worse if you haven even try. Is isn't difficult if you always keep a positive attitude and remember to SMILE! Not a FAKE smile but a REAL one. I've learned that we should cherish what you have now before it's gone FOREVER! Love youself and obverse people around you. I used to think that no one cares about me but what i've found out recently is that all my family, friends, teachers and even principle did actually cares just that I, myself didn't realize it.

Actually now I really thank God. Why? Because through this, i've learned a lot, I've become more independent, I've become stronger and a better person. I also learned how to see things in more different ways. I believe in my life this is definitely one of my challenges, there will be more in future and every challenges there is sure something we can learn from. So what we can do is NEVER GIVE UP and keep on FIGHTING!

I want to thank all people that supported me even now still. Either my family, friends or teachers. I'm really very thankful for you being there when I needed you all. Thank you very much. My friends have been visiting me so that I won't feel lonely and bored at home. My teachers always text me to ask my well being and my school have even give their full support. When i couldn't take my end of year examination, they did a discussion with my mother. I'm really thankful for that. Without each and everyone of you, this path will be more tough for me. I thank God for you all and glad to have you all with me. I love all of you and will always be! Okay, this should be the end of my post. WOW! This post is so long. Haha!